Forgiveness

I've come to the term and agreement between me and myself that it's time to let certain anger and hatred go, that's it's not what i would like to live with or remember him by.. I've pour enough of blood sweat and tears to say that i've finally forgiven my father for the cause of his marriage divorce..

In a fragment of what i remembered when i was younger is only a small portion of what the real reality is..my dad is not a bad person, no dad in this world is a bad person..every father is this world is trying their best to give and provide by all mean necessary, it's just hard to see when you're not in their shoe or when you only see one angle of it.

Since the divorce I've always blame my father for everything that happened to it, I see him as this monster that killed the marriage and that whatever happened after that night is all because of him..many nights whereby there's lots of screaming, shouting, yelling, swearing,slamming terrified me through out..i never knew what to do yet I'm afraid if i don't do something, something else might happen.

They said that whatever happened to a person is almost certainly caused by past trauma in one's life..I was too young to really care or understand any of this till now, the sort of person my father is now is probably because of the kind of life my father lived when he was young, maybe his relationship with his father is nothing more but a string of blood, flesh and bone..maybe his father used to beat him up badly therefore the sin of the past come haunting the present now. I just saying maybe that what makes my dad and it's carry on to me..i have a very bad temper too when i'm ticked..which i regret to sometime..

I never really see or try to understand how my father felt at that time when my mum wanted a divorce. Some husband have no idea how lucky they are that their wife never come to term of using divorce paper as an option, my dad wasn't so fortunate.. one might say he bought this upon himself, but then again maybe my mum overacted..you know how women are, right. My dad lost everything that night when he hears those words, he lost a wife, probably his girlfriend for how many years.. i mean he'll gonna lose me and my sister, the house and everything else, he's never the same man to my mum again after that talk..it's like breaking up but in a higher ground.

Despite so, my dad still pay for mostly everything in the house..that's a sad life to be living, my dad spend most of his time in the room with his Facebook, yes he has Facebook because he can't stand being in the same area with my mother, remind me and my owner in Subang Jaya.. I thought it was hard to be the victim that have to sit through this but it's even harder to be the person that have to live through this. My dad is real nice and kind with the people around him, including my mum despite everything..i mean he even go as far as to buy a new handphone for her that was stolen in her office, and it ain't no cheap phone, he even collects tin can for some random garbage men just so that he'll have a few extra cents, how many people nowadays does that sort of things anymore?

So dad, I'm letting go of the anger, I'm tearing down the walls, I'm building you a bridge to come to the other side, I'm saying..i've forgive you.

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