Flirtin' Wit You

I kinda did something that i thought i'll never do to a client but ya i kinda did..i actually flirt a little with this customer of mine and this shit a little crazy for my taste..

First off the first time i met the customer at the house i didn't except someone around 18 to call me looking for a house but basically starting off it was like a client and agent kinda relationship..but from the moment i met her i knew she was the kinda of person that was easy and quickly to get along with..so after she moved into the house that when things happened..

At times she starts off with a simple message so i thought i reply back cause i want to maintain good reputation for my clients but at times we weren't even talking about anything regarding the house. She was like just wondering what I'm up to or what I'm doing and automatically i would ask her back the same thing just to keep the flow going and before i realize it i sounds like i was flirting with her already. At least that's how it seems from my side..

Initially i didn't want to keep doing this whole sms-ing back and forth cause i felt like it's wasting money so i asked for Facebook or something but she wouldn't give me..so the sms thing continues.. we learned a few things about each other but i'm gonna only talk about her side of the story.

This girl live quite a sad life such as being the only child in the family and not to mention her parents got divorced when she was only 3 and her mum left her behind and she has never meet her mum since..so she's currently living with her dad and grandmother who acts as her mother. As this year somewhat in August some clown bang her dad while he was on his motorcycle which almost caused him his life therefore she have to dropout from Form 6 to take care of her dad..i mean it's the kinda story that makes you look at your life twice. Admirable..

But she seem happy so i guess there's all that matter right, so about that flirting thing is where we asked each other stuff like relationships, marriage and love..the same old boy girl talk and at one point i asked her out for a movie..i actually freaking did so but she had to take care of her dad so i didn't stop her, like i said..admirable.

Here i am not wanting to get married or date ever again asking a girl out for movie and hanging out, ironic isn't it..man, nature..man nature i guess. Maybe God is trying to tell me that i'm making a mistake..maybe.

Did i mentioned she's Indian..

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Mis*Marriage

August time i was talking about marriage..i was talking about how couple should spend more time and effort thinking the real deal in a relationship which is marriage..and i went on and on about what i would do with my marriage if i get myself one, then lately..

Lately..well lately i don't know what have gotten into me but for the first time in my life I'm actually considering the intention of not getting married at all for eternity..hm, i even surprised myself. To be honest i have no explanation on what caused i to think such thing, anyone who knows me long enough would know that i can't wait to have a little girl of my own and i love looking at women..so what's up?

I'm guessing that maybe all these while my interests peek at the thought of being married but in reality, life ain't that easy breezy. I was thinking that i hate doing the most things married couple have to do for or with each other like family reunion during CNY or what not, the wedding itself and other stuff that i don't want to get too into..maybe the problem is me here myself. Am i afraid of commitment?

I don't think so..maybe I'm worried i won't be a good father or husband..or maybe I'm worried about sharing the same fate as my parents because divorce is seriously not an option for me. I'm also worried whether or not i can provide for more than one mouth, wit the current position that I'm in..money is at the top of my fucking skull. I'm stuck at dilemma..having silly thought about future plans when I'm barely even at the next chapter yet.

I spend more time thinking about having a little girl than about having a wife, clearly shows that my interests is not stable whereby I'm just using a woman's body to birth me a daughter, other than that.. the page stays blank..what happened to the wife? i don't know nor do i care, damn. Some might said that when the right person comes along, the mindset will change..but i don't think the problem will stop there, I'm actually seriously considering not getting married at all.

Ignore me..I'm just questioning myself

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Marriage

Anybody who knows me long enough knows that i think about having a little girl of my own more than anything, anyone who knows me enough knows that i think about marriage more than wedding..

I will officially say it..i hate wedding, i think they're stupid and a waste of money with time..it's brainwashed, it's too much chick flick with popcorn and too much wedding article around..completed brainwashed. Like the wedding post i mentioned, wedding to me is not important at all, i would rather spend all my money and effort or thought into my marriage A.K.A the life that me and my [wife] build together..soon..

I don't think i need to tell y'all what is a marriage but i would like to point that how many fail to see that this part of life is the most important one rather than focusing so much on wedding. Marriage to me is the real actually wedding..the time where life will be a roller coaster ride going up and down and how it ain't like all fancy dressing, wine drinking, laughter and expensive food those kind of thing, it's the real deal..

Spending so much money on one day putting up fake smiles and inviting thousand of weirdo who comes only for cheap food and cheaper wine..when one is getting married, they'll come but when one is going through a divorce, will they come? I laughed at people who married fast, thinking marriage is a walk in the park..snap them back to reality.

I take marriage very seriously, given the fact that my parent's marriage drop dead in front of my eyes, i got lots of prove to myself and the whole world that i will not share the same fate as my parents..divorce is not an option at all. Despite so i'm not planning to get married anytime soon since i'm barely surviving with my jobs and all..if i never find the right girl then i'll never get married as simple as that..

I cared bout marriage more than wedding..fuck wedding.

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Long Distance

Being far away, being far apart, feeling distance between each other..I feel like i don't know hwy some people would bother going through a long distance relationship when it's clear that the distance will be the worst nightmare in that relationship..

The constant need of need of having that someone by your side is hellish too sometime, i mean every now and then people need room to breath otherwise things will get out of control..but then again the absence of someone's presence is another problem too.

Back then when i was in Subang Jaya, my roomate was from Johor, his girlfriend stayed in Johor while he proceed enrolling in SEGi college, during that time i see and hear alot from him talking about how he and his girlfriend is struggling about the whole not being to be with each other thing feels like, i don't need to have a girlfriend to know what that feels like, then again it depends on how faithful one can be to another..

Speaking about that, one of my friend's long distance relationship did not go that well with her boyfriend. After being send to some place else to enroll in college too, other people starts to come into the picture and things got involved pushing her away while the guy became more involved with the girl instead..i remembered telling her that long distance doesn't work and i was true. As bad as it sounds, it's reality..like i said, it depends on how loyal can one be to another.

The main reason behind this post is the fact that my dad now has a girlfriend actually despite him not telling me about it, it's pretty obvious though. That cunt that he likes is in Ipoh by the way and he's in Melaka..travelling up and down like some trail donkey for some no goodie two shoe girl, being as realistic as i can be i'm surprised my old man don't see things as realistically as i do, acting like some fully hormone teenage boy, it's sad to see actually.

Clearly he's been blinded by love, it's hard for me actually not because he prefer to spend more time with her than his 2 blood sweat tear blood and bone bond but because him travelling up and down, i don't know nor do i wished anything happen to him on the highway but how would i know right? Talking about it just makes me mad thinking about that sour cunt, i hope she rot..i can't wish for the relationship to end as badly as i want to because that would just be selfish, it's kinda like if you have a family member that works as a policemen..you can't ask them to quit them job just because your worries got the better of you, that's selfish.

So i stuck here, caught in the middle between my father and that Ipoh whore..there's nothing i can do about it besides pray that he see things more clearly..damn..

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Women's Language

Women says men are clueless, slow and always have to repeat themselves for us to get their word into our head..the thing is..the women's language is hard to understand and at the same time, sometime hard to translate correctly into a language the male species can understand either..

See what i mean, women seems to love playing these mindgame..and unfortunately for us men, it's confusing and we don't like playing it, we would rather be playing our Playstation rather than this "games". Men sometime don't and probably will never understand the women's language, though it is English they're speaking yet somehow it sound alien-like.

It's probably the way God would wanted his female creation to be like, after completion..God must have forgotten that his previous creation, male did not had that software programmed into them, therefore making the gender communication difficult. I have my fair share of women's language, and thankfully i've studied some of their language, saving me the trouble from being into a even bigger trouble that i've already have.

It's really not as hard as i might have describe, it just takes practice..then again, not every women are as hard to understand as those in the video, so bless us..

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Jamie's Rejection

Everybody hates rejection, everybody loves being accepted..

So here's a true story about the only girl i've ever rejected..now i know there's nothing proud to brag about here, but then again people are always intrigue to read about these kind of things, it always seems to get more view than any other subject..and because it's totally surreal for me..you'll see how.

There was this girl called Jamie [ love that name by the way] who i met at my high school, I'm not going to describe how she looks like because there's a picture of her at the end of this post..

...

Made you look didn't I, anyway back to the real thing here, so Jamie was in my high school, she was in the first class therefore she is smarter than me, no surprises there..and she speak English, a must have for me..plus she stayed near by my house, but of course i didn't know that only after sometime later.

So if u read my earlier post titled "Ugly" you should know the story about this girl that was in the same class with Jamie that i liked, but rejected me..I was totally cool with it but she bought me to a party to further embarrass me..I am still cool with it. So here's the B side of the story, me and Jamie were at that party with some friends too as well, so me and 2 other guys were men wrestling each other, not serious one but rather just playing in a sense, so..nobody got hurt or broken, please don't stop reading at this point or i will..do nothing..

As we were men wrestling each other, but i think because girls are not used to the fact that boys play with each other this way due to the popularity of WWE Wrestling at that era, so they think we are actually hurting each other, so she just said " don't hurt him la ".. him as in me. So one of the guy said " why, you like him or something " and she actually said " yes "..And that was my shocking part.

The reason it was surreal to me was because a girl from the first class could liked someone like me from the third class, not to mention someone who got rejected by the girl who bought me to that party, she's a fully A student, i'm a one A student..so it was a totally surreal moment and in reply i said this..

" .............. "

That's right, i said nothing..i actually said nothing, not that i have something to said but saying something is way better than just keeping my mouth shut. I total crush Jamie's night after that moment..she didn't say a word after that..and basically just waiting and dying to go home..i was still in shocked mode, if someone touch me at that moment, they could get electrocuted. For someone who talks a lot, i can't put 2 words together for her, pretty much that was the last time i saw her, she transferred to a different school and never seen her since.

They say the silent type of rejection is possibly the worse case rejection one could ever get, is this true..i've received the reply back rejection before, God that was awful enough, so I still some time thinking about that party night, thinking how maybe just maybe we could have at least keep contact if things happened another way, but if thing really did took off, I have a feeling it wouldn't last long because that's just..me..

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Envy / Jealous

+ I envy that..
+ I envy the fact that he's more superior than i am..

- Therefore i hate knowing that i never stand a chance against him..
- Look at him..
- Look at me..

x I'm jealous to the point where i don't like him..
x Everytime i hear his name..
x Despite not even knowing him..
x Fuck him..

* Spending more time with him now..
* Sooner or later..you'll see..
* It will changed..
* You just don't believe me..
* But i do..

For once i will let a song do the talking for me..I just can't find words to say it..Look at my post, Jesus..

There's a line in there that i really liked..guess when you hear it, it's pretty obvious which line is it..

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It's Just A Wedding..

What is it with women and wedding..put the 2 "W" together and a man gets his pocket clean up rapidly..massively and without a shadow of a doubt..faster than a speeding bullet..

Recently like i posted before, one of my friend recently got married..hooray..ah fuck it..Anyway, like i said, i don't know why some people want to get married so early, the point being? i don't know either..but today i want to talk about women and their unforgiving unreasonable reason to spend all the world's money on 1 day..on one wedding..

Now i know that some women had so called planned their wedding day since they were 12..is that even legal? Anyway, women have already started living in fantasy world since that age so it's only reasonable that as a duty as a gentlemen, we grant them that wish right..well, it depends actually..

Some men are willingly enough to spend so much money on one day of all you unrecognizable strangers just to see him and his wife get married..me personally, i think it's wasting. To me, all i see is just a day where i get up, get dress and get going so that i can get home soon..To me, the real wedding begins on the day after the "wedding"..To me, the real wedding is how 2 ppl who vows to stay together spend their life together..That..ladies and gentlemen, is a real wedding..

But then again, wedding has never about Romeo right, it's has always been Juilet's day..Romeo is just there to fill up the missing pieces.

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Tied The Knot

There's one thing i will never understand..is that why some people want to get married so early..why do some people want to tie the knot so quickly..what is the rush..what is the point anyway..

Of course i'm gonna get some feedback saying shit like " Ice, u're not woman, you won't understand" " Ice, you're not in love, i won't understand"..My reply is " Thank God i'm not a woman, and i don't need to be in love to understand " It's simple..lf you want to spend your life with someone, you get married right..but not that this young age..i mean there's only a few possible reason why they do so..

1-is either they believe in 2012
2-boy rich
3-girl said so and boy had no choice but to follow
4-girl already pregnant
5-stupid in love

Now, though there are 5 options here, i highly believed 4 of the above are the true possible reason..The reason i want to talk about this crap is because i just found out recently from Facebook that one of my high school friend is married already..just yesterday..she's my age for fuck sake..

Don't you have better things to do if you're 21..there's so much freedom left to explore. I would never get married at such a young age..i always thought it's taboo..for some reason..not proven true..but..for some reason. I mean i know i would like to tie down too someday..but let be realistic, married at age 21 is not realistic..then again, the world we live in nowadays, it has became common. For me, the right age to be tied down will b around 27 above..if lower than that, it's still in dating stage..

Anyway, this is me being me, screwing people's privacy and ruining people dream..Since she doesn't know i have a blog nor do we even speak to each other anymore..

Here's to the newly weds..
She looks so different..him, i don't know him..Congratualtions..

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Ideal Partner?

I read a book just a few moment ago, something about picturing your ideal partner..it say that in order to find a love partner, one must first picture what that love partner might be like..But i think..in some lazy way of talking, it meant..pick your choice so that it'll save cupid lots of time thinking of a person for you..

So i think it's kinda like saying give the cupid some pointers so that it'll be easier for him to find that someone for you, so i thought i'll give it a shot..Here's goes..

Nicholas ideal partner wishlist [ Santa, are you listening?]:

5.Kind and loving[Seriously who doesn't want this?]
4.Knows how to cook[I can really eat, i would love to find someone who can really cook]
3.Great personality[Again, who doesn't want this?]
2.Funny[It's nice for someone to make me laugh for a change]
1.Love me for what and who i am[Essential]

Notice how appearance is not part of my list, well beauty is secondary, what's more important is inside..

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It's Been So Long

It's been so long since i last had a girlfriend, I've been dwelling off so far from the definition of a relationship to the point that i'm starting to forget what it feels like to have one by my side.

See i take things for granted sometime, i think i'm so cool and shit to play around like it doesn't matter, but it does..i just don't know why i do stupid things sometime..maybe because i'm a guy, therefore y=mx+c therefore guy tend to do stupid that make girls mad and nag at us so that we walk on straight line? maybe..maybe not..

Am I desperate? no.. Am i lonely? sometime but not all the time..I've gotten so used to the single life now that sometime the word "love" just flew by me without a care..I don't want to sound like i need a girlfriend immediately but it's just sometime when you look around and you see couple here and there and it just hits you, it make me sick of looking at them but...that was me a few years back, see the funny thing about it?

I got a friend so desperately needs a new girlfriend the moment he broke up with his ex, i told him that the next time he's dating again is 6 years later like me and it scared the crap out of him, e was like "no way man..i don't want to be like you" so whose the weird one here, the guy who can live on for 6 years without a girl or the other one? Some are quite lucky in love, i know a guy who dated 3 different girls in a year, broke up and hook up..3 times..in 1 year..he's like some chick magnet male..i want a piece of his magnet..

Feeling weird lately, don't know how to tell y'all why i'm feeling like this all of a sudden, it's like a part of me doesn't feel like dating anymore due to some reason that i'm not saying..must be my brain again i hope..trying to take a life of it's own..sigh..I don't know what the problem here..mentality malfunctioning? spending the last 5 month with my heartbroken friend? give me a sign Lord Jesus..

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While Your Lips Are Still Red

I'm looking outside my house door and my right neighbor is an old lady, all alone in this world. I went and open the door and i just took one short look at her and immediately somehow i felt sadness in the air..so it continues..

See she used to live with her husband, it used to be a husband and wife home next to mine, now it's just a widow home, she lost her husband i think about a year or 2 years ago..he was on the tree doing something i don't know because i didn't see what he was doing, i was at the back then suddenly i heard screaming like the OMG type of screams, i went there and take a look and i saw her husband lfell down from the tree, it wasn't a very tall tree at all but maybe he must have hit his head or something..and just like that he's gone..

The ambulance didn't reach there in time to save him, but i think they couldn't even if they did, because he wasn't breathing anymore when he fell down. Thought of this got me thinking about how much we should cherish each other while we can..fate is not kind to everyone, anything could be just taken away by them from you any seconds..like they say, death is just around the corner.

From what i see, the old lady is always scolding her husband, i don't know if the scolding has any reason or not but i can hear scolding from her through the wall almost everyday while the old man refuse to listen to the wife and keep on doing whatever he does even when the wife says not to, i guess both party member are equally at fault. Now..one is gone and the other is left with nothing, one's misery stop permanently while the other continues, at times like this we tend to think back and regret all those bad thing we've say and done. Now she's all by herself in this world, there no more shouting coming from her house anymore..everything changed.

The moral of the story is love each other as much as possible before the clock stop ticking, life is too short to dwell on the past..hold each others hand as long as possible, hug each other as much as possible, laugh with each other as much as you can, love each other as deeply as possible and kiss each other while their lips are still red

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The One With Me Getting A Girlfriend

A friend of mine told me that i should get a girlfriend..this is coming from a guy who has been trying to chase the same girl for over 10 months now and yet to see any result, shit is great, i'm getting heat from the guy who enjoys being woman's tool..

Either way, lots of people told me or ask me or want me or questioning me on getting a girlfriend, them bastards talks like getting a girl is as easy as going to supermarket to buy meat..For me, i don't really know, right now i don't even know where i'm standing, i'm in dilemma, not because of all this people of course but for myself.

Getting a girlfriend is serious shit, having her around might keep me company but then again, i'm at the state where i'm incapable of taking care of another person..I had 2 ex and i didn't take care of them nicely,so those are gone. I have not date anyone for about 6 years now, i've being living the single so often that i've forgotten what it's like to have "someone", shit is crazy, i've being given a very long term single life freedom agreement from fate till i have no idea if i'm ever gonna date again. Maybe i should get a flower and pluck it's petal and play that should I or should I not game with myself..

I see my friends all over Facebook with nonsense post about love like "Can anyone tell me what is true love?" Shit, things like this reminds me of how some of my friends dealing with their love life, calling her on the phone to apologize, going to her house and ask for forgiveness, constantly keeping her update on where he's going and doing..I wanted love then i look at these clowns and i thought..is this how it's gonna be?

I don't know how some people can say shit like " oh no, i'm single now, what the fuck am i gonna do?" Jeez, get a grip at yourself, you were fine 20 years ago before you met him/her, suddenly he/she has become the resource of your life? Some people are so into this shit, it's embarrassing to see them when they flying solo now..the whole drama shit and stuff, go do a sitcom, please..

I've told myself that if it happen again then ok whatever, if it doesn't happen anymore, ok there's nothing can do..my timeline has been written, fate has decided. So should I or should I not get a grilfriend, i'll let time decide, frankly i don't care because i have zero confidence and no self esteem for myself to think that any girl wanna date someone like me, when all single men line up for selection, i probably stand at the lowest point..so whatever happen happens.

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Ned-Ture-Rirl-Li

You know all those girls who likes to do big goody goody eye and take a picture of it and show it to the world, or those who have small eyes and went to add eyeliner and stuff to make it look bigger are..i repeat..are..creepy..

Going through Facebook, and i found a lot of these chicks that widen up their eyes to make themselves look like anime dolls, seriously, it's creepy to me. I feel like if one stare at those eyes for too long, it might actually drop out..i mean it's just that the eye are one of the most prettier that you can find on a girl..if it's naturally, not when it's extended by height or wide..just the way it's is..

I know this is just my style, some loved it, others don't..

Actually I like a girl just the way she is, on appearance..I like to see the surface of how she looks, rather than hiding behind a mask or be artificial. For me, it's pretty easy to please me, all she has to do is just be herself, if she has a big eyes like an anime cartoon character, i wouldn't mind since personality counts more..play a bigger role, looks is just secondary, looks it's the package that comes along with the prize..

It's not just the eyes thing, it basically everything..I like girls with no make up too, like what i said before, why hide behind a mask, because sooner or later you have to reveal your true colours anyway. If you know me well, you'll know i hate make up, a little on them is okay with me, i don't a girl putting on make up because she wants to look pretty when stepping outside, i'm talking about putting a load of make up on their face till they look like zombie from a make up store. Since all i can be is me, and she goes out looking like Frankenstein just because that's how she always like to look when she's out, means i have to do the same too..I know appearance is important in some ways, but for me, i like nothing on a girl face than her natural face.

I'm not saying she can't..i'm just it's okay not to..fine by me..

I guess you still look pretty even when you're not trying..

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One Spouse Not Enough

After hearing about Jack Neo's story about his affair with a younger woman..it's just shocking..First was Tiger Wood's with 13 other women, now we Malaysian are finally proud to say that we have our own celebrity affair too you know, take that caucasian fellas..

I don't get some men, why do you have to do shit like these, you are rich and famous, not to mention respected by many, loved by fans, have a loyal wife and kids, yet temptation somehow always managed to lure you in..guess sexual desire always seem to overpower honor, pride, dignity and self control..Even so, this is nothing compared to what Tiger achieved, yet still this is unspeakable and disgusting..I was watching the press conference video and i felt sorry and pity for the wife, she suffered the most here due to the fact that her husband did something so unforgiving yet for her family and marriage sake, she stood by him..i read that she knew about his affair for a long long time, she had to close one eye and pretend nothing happened..

Now here's the thing, isn't one spouse more than enough, isn't having only one and one only partner for the rest of your entire life enough, why do people always like to try threesome..It doesn't take a genius to figure it out that when you start a fire like that is not easy to put out afterward..maybe some people's sexual hunger can't never be satisfied..to the point where disgusting act like that had to happen..If you're like Jack Neo, well known in Malaysia, please use that little thing that God gave inside our skull which we called brain to think for loved ones and others before commiting an unforgivable sin, know that if you're famous, shit like these will mostly bring your career to hell.

Sigh..men~men~men~..well it's not always men, women have shit like these too but no matter what, be faithful to only one person in your marriage. Jack, you suck dick..

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The 'Forever 21' Shop Girl

Today i went to 1 Utama with my friends to eat Korean barbeque buffet at Seoul's Garden, totally skipped class, lecturer also don't teach us stuff so why bothered, anyway, the food costs about 80+ after student discounts..each is about 25 i think..totally worthy, full like hell, most definitely have gained weight..

Anyway, after that the girls wanna go shopping as usual..so shop and shop and shop and we end up in this place called 'Forever 21' and i saw this really beautiful looking girl in the shop..she's a shopkeeper and mostly guard the shop's entry and serve customers over there. From the first moment i lay eyes on her, i couldn't take it off from her..she's just stunning, really stunning.

She was wearing this all black outfit, pin up long hair girl..breathtaking. My friend said go talk to her and ask for her phone number but i just couldn't do it, i mean it's not that i wanna ask her out or anything, it's just that she is so beautiful that i couldn't stop staring at her. There was this one point where a customer tried to walk out from a shop without paying for something and she caught her, i jokingly told my friends that i want to pretend to steal something just so that i could get her attention..but of course i didn't do it..

I didn't take any picture of her or anything, don't wanna like scare her or something, so not even her name or anything, i walk away empty handed. I don't feel bad at all, why should i, i just saw a pretty girl and couldn't stop talking about her, but i definitely not interesting in asking her out or anything..she's way too out of my league..i have no match up against it..

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Stupid In Love

Since it's the month of valentine, it's the month of romance, instead of crapping about the beautiful parts of it..i want to touch on the ugly side of love, and get down and dirty, filthy, disturbing never discuss before documentary about it. I want to talk about the aftermath of heartbreak.

Break up, it's 2 strong words and it's never easy to go through, it's like walking in hell with your feet stepping on lava, it's painful but everything has it's healing antitode. Time is a healing process, it takes a long while to recover from a break up, yet even the process being carried out, some can still be stuck in the painful memories, dwelling in the ugly past, crying alone in the dark, the worst part of all this, is that even long after the heartbreak has been set and done, "victim of love" are punishing themselves because of what happened, like hating themselves because they were stupidly in love..

Rihanna's Stupid In Love from Rated R

Everything happened for a reason. Now, i don't understand why some people would want to continue torturing themselves for no reason..what done is done. Recently my mum told me that one of her friend drank some liquid acid crap and slit her wrist because of..you guessed it..This is what i was talking about, this is one of the perfect example of heartbreak gone wrong, all these activities, all these jackass stunts that people pulled, it's really nonsense..like they said..love kills. There are so many ways to get over a break up, and killing yourself is definitely not one of them.

I've been through a couple break up myself, shit was difficult, but life goes on and there is so many fishes in the sea, i mean the world is covered by 70% of water..plus, there's so much more to life than just a guy/girl, i was planning to sitting around and whine over them, put my first foot forward and the second one after, and i was ok again after a week..It's better if we don't waste our life over much matter, life has so much to it than just that..live it up not give it up.

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Girls Girls Girls

Recently i had an expensive lunch with my relatives, grandfather pay, so one of my uncle sat next to me and he start asking about what kind of girls do i like..And seriously, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, i really don't know what to look for in a girl..

Leg For Mercy
Some of my friends say i like girls in shorts, and that i look at legs..but that's is just because they like wearing like that, so if they wear like that, i, as a normal hormone guy, look..but actually when when i do that, I'm just sight seeing, legs or short mini pant or skirts is not what i look for in a girl, that's just clothing..i repeat..sight seeing only..

Question?
So my uncle went on and on with me on what type of girls do i like and i refuse to answer him, not because i don't want to, but really i don't even know myself. I'm not sure what type of girl do i like, it has been a question that i have never been able to answer since God knows when, there's just really something about it that i don't know how and why i can't give a proper answer to it, it sounds easy, to me it's a simple question to a different answer..So me and him were sitting by the window, and we were like checking out girls here and there, and he keep pointing to me wondering if she is my type of girl, and 10 times out of 10, i can't give an answer..even he got to a point where he wonder if I'm homophobic[ this i swear am not]..

Sze Shen And Lavinia
I don't want to sound like desperate by saying something like anything type of girls will do for me, I'm still wondering myself..this big question mark on my head will able be undone, it gets bigger and bigger everytime i wonder about what type of girls i like. Even when it comes to asking about my ex, the reason for why i fell in love with them, there could be so many ways and so many different angle y'all can ask me, but it will all come down to a linear narrow answer.." I Don't Know.." it just happened, i really didn't expect either of it to happen but it happen. Anyway, i don't know the answer to it, y'all may think I'm being secretive about my feeling again, but I'm all out now..it's the truth..I wonder how more selfish could i be, not even being able to know how i fell in love in the first place..jeez..

Old Digger
But recently i do have some older looking women pretty hot and sexy, i creep the shit out of me at first, the fact that i thought i finally found my answer, and that's older women? really? again, i apologizes by saying I Don't Know..Maybe the philosophy is true, that men do like older women, that the fact i do love looking at some female actress on TV, it's kinda out creepy overall..and thank God, that thought were only temporarily, but since it did occur at a short period of time, maybe it does mean something..

Easy To Be Too Easy
I think one of my major problem of not being able to answer this simple question of mine, is maybe because i fall in love too easily, kinda like loose. There's a Chinese word for this..flower heart[ direct translated]..maybe i'm that, it's not literally falling in love, but more of a crush rather than love. I see a girl, without even knowing her or anything, i could be thinking about her for long time, imagine falling for someone i don't even fucking know..i'm too easy..maybe that why i'll never know my answer, maybe i'll never, who knows..shit is crazy..There are times when i hate being like this, getting all this unneccasary feeling for no reason, i know nothing will happen, yet feeling occured..there no point to it. I mean it's common to fall for someone the first time we see them, but come on, not almost everyone..that's my poison, it's almost everyone..

Wonder, wonder wonder, wonder wonder wonder, question, question question, question question question..

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Valentine Massacre

First off i want to say Happy Valentine Day to those who have a valentine..Second, i know this post is like a few days late, that only because i thought of the post now..Third, why are some people so desperately dying to find a person and celebrate Valentine for..

What i meant was that i seen some shit in Facebook before, where by my friends are so desperately need a girlfriend or boyfriend, posting emo shit on it..saying something like " All my cousin bought their girlfriend home for CNY except me.." Sigh, i don't really blame them for their emptiness, the way i see it is no surprise, judging by the fact that 2010 starts off with lots of breaks up..shit is crazy..

It's just that L.O.V.E is not as easy as u think it is, it's not what you see like on TV, or in music, shit is real complicated and sometime all those things that people went through, can end in a sudden. I have a few friends who are in their 20's and have never dated anyone before, i don't blame them if they feel left out or strange or lonely cause the fact is..sometime it makes you feel out casted..while others are totally happy with their single life..It can be hard to know that you never had a relationship before..makes you wonder eh..

I've been single for like 6 years now since my last *ahem*..At first, i do feel like those of my friends, we are lonely and bored and jealous of others..But as times goes by, i find that shit happened for a reason, God has planned out our life line, so whatever happened, will bound to happen, and maybe is happening now because God has plan something else for us, heard of "Save the best for last.."? So after living a single life, i do find myself wondering at time, is there really someone's else for me waiting on the other side of the door, or maybe i'm destined to be alone..But honestly, i think that God is fair to all, He wouldn't make a guy without making his girl, matter like this takes time..So what i'm saying is that..be patience..I'm not religious or anything, but i truly believed in that..It will happen when it's supposed to happen..

But then again, if some of us are meant to be single forever..it's fated, there's nothing we can do, but for as long as we go, just live life as it is..being single does have it's advantages too right..

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Love+[Un]Predictable

I Love You. Those 3 words that we all love to say to each other, the 3 words that sound so beautiful when we hear it in our ears, the 3 words that defined everything 2 people shred together, the 3 words that shows how much we loved each other.

To me, talk is cheap..

Since a lot of break up is going on around lately, i realized that love is really beyond our control because you never know when someone or something is gonna hit you in the head so hard that you just can't believe everything you shared is over in a second..I mean it's like things like this just unpredictable..we never know whether we're with is the one we're gonna be forever or is it another fairy tale that we're in.

We always say to ourselves that this is the one, she/he is my one, of course we all like to think that way because nobody likes to get hurt, nobody wanna be alone and heartbroken all over again and again repeatably..but in reality, truth ain't so sweet, love ain't that good and life ain't that fair. Like my friend and his girl who has said and planned their whole future together suddenly just ended unexpectably, this is what i mean by unpredictable..I remembered i used to tell my friends that this one is the one, that one is the one but next thing you know, i'm back to square one again.

So what i believe is that telling each other those 3 words is just a nice thing to say that's all, nothing more than that..the true way of telling is by action, action speaks louder than words after all. Through someone's action is the real and right way of seeing how much the other half truly love you. I guess what i really meant by this whole thing is that love can always change it's direction in the middle of it's journey and don't get your hope too high once you dated someone because you'll never know what's in store for you.

So i just hope for those who has found that special someone, hope you know how lucky you are..because it's hard to find and be in love with someone, it's even harder to find and be in love with the right one..