Fatherly Love

My car has arrived, finally..it's clean and white and new and it's mine..So i went back on Saturday to learn how to drive again, brushing up my skill. But once i got into the car i panic, suddenly i realized that i don't know how to drive an auto car and i panic..

My father shouted at me, scolded me for not being able to drive and yet want to drive to work, i felt hopeless and disappointed in myself, i felt so weak that a simple thing like driving, i can't do it anymore..I can't even reverse a car out, I just don't know why, i just lost my ability to control a car..

Then my father sat next to me and guide me again through the basic, learning everything again, and i could drive again, though maybe it's because i need more pratice, it's been 4 years since i have my license, and i have never literally drive any car since..except for that testdrive earlier this year..

But then i realized this is the first time me and my dad have spoken for so long..this is the first time that i remember that me and my dad have so much to talk about, we have never spoken so much to each other before, if we were script, we'll be about 2 sentences long, period.. We talk all the way from Subang Highway back to Melaka, in the car while testdriving and on the way back to Subang again..

Even before i had my car, i had a feeling that this car of mine can bring help me get closer to my dad, and it did..i had never ask anything i don't know from this man before, homework, clothes, studies..this is all mum's work.. I have to be fucking grateful to have a father like him, i don't know the relationship between him and his father but what i got now with him, i'm fucking grateful..

Despite i blame my father for the destruction in his marriage and towards the family, i love him every much as i did back when i was young..It never changed, it might have gone away, but it always came back..

I hope when i have a family of my own sometime, i hope to be at least half the father he was to me..I love you dad..

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